Currently Listening In Vogue By Gorgeous Drop Dead see related

December Winteryear

I want December back

hold on

hold on

i let go.

I don't want to.

Currently Listening Everything's Watched, Everyone's Watching By Heavy Heavy Low Low see related

oh shit. oh shit. oh shit.

well shit isn't getting all that better.

It's been like a month since I've written in here.

WOAH!

hahaha

well lets UPDATE! shall we?

-David showed up at my house like 3 weeks ago at 3am drunk off his ass.
We talked in the back seat. Drunk boys aren't much fun

-The Joel thing is dead.
I never knew hoe much of a loser he is.
Hanging out with all freshman, pathetic.

-Nicole V is gonna get her vigina fucking ripped off and fed to the wolves, since she told Mark P that I like him or some shit. Jess and I switched seats and makr switched his seat to the back of the room, probably from what Nicole said

-Kyle Whittier and I are not mortal enemies anymore, but he's still an arogant asshole.

-I hate Deanna

-Mike K knows now, but Mike C asked me out but never got past the asking part.

-Maggie finally gave me my money, so we're okay now

-Emily and I are okay now

-Juliet is just Juliet, and david ruined her even more.

okay thats about it

and well

I feel mergh

I'm too preoccupied by school

AP US History is kicking my ass.

I kinda need something.

Durgs or somone

but nothing in partiuclar.

and not really someone. like that or maybe?

idk

garrrgh

i cant wait until

well

idk

I just don't know.

Currently Listening Alexisonfire By Alexisonfire see related

no.no.no.

Homecomming this year was horrible

in a sense of the word horrible

NO ONE  danced

DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!

was everywhere

and I manged to make a complete ass out of myself.

Mairielle and I did dance though

that was fun

she'a an AMAZING dancer

Kendra just managed to get "buck wild" in her cast. hahaha

It was  a great dissapointment

It was very depressing

I didn't like it

I wasted 16 bucks for nothing.

but I did get to hangout with Rocki and Lauren and Jamie.

that was funnn.

ohhhh LORD.

I'm tired

of

nothing

I know I CAN keep going.

but

I don't want to go like this.

ohhh LORD.

I neeed a nap.
When I wake up.

please.

start.end.continue.

♠‡

Currently Listening The Inevitability of a Strange World see related

again

not to be a wet blanket or nothing but.

people are WAY more fun when they're single

Most of my very good friends are in relationships and

I can remember how MUCH fun we USED to have before they had their boyfriends.

now it seems like the other person is consuming every aspect of them

Dusty and Sisco are a very good example of a good couple that remains the same

Emma and Jack are another great example

Jordan and Nick are okay

Emily and Alex have improved

Michelle and Mark are good, with every boy that she has been with she has told me and what not, but her life and herslef hasnt changed because of that.

although some

like Annette and Jud [now broken up]

did a horrible job

her life was that boy.

a neww addition to this

is Juliet and David.

I approve of the boy

I don't think he likes me at all

but hey

it's not me he's supposed to be good to.

Although

I must say

I can feel Juliet changing

she did this too when her and Jack went out

now she is doing it again

I don't blame her for making the boy her life now

I am a little aggrivated but, I wont let a boy ruin our friendship

I just hope she doesn't push me too far.

Because if she pushes me too far

I may not find my way back.

welll.

I AM

at one of first moment where 

RIGHT NOW

I don't want or need anybody

sure I may want some action

but

I don't feel that need for a relationship anymore

It's kinda like a craving that just went away.

odd.

well

school is soon

more boys there

wooooooooooooooooo!

ohh boy.

I can't wait for what will happen next.

Currently Listening Nightmare of You By Nightmare of You see related

REGRET & REPENT

It's been  a very long time

since my last confession.

I think it's about time I say somehting that I have been dreading to say.

I miss Jonathan Matthew Mueller

He may be a motherfucking piece of shit that deserves to endure A LOT of pain.

but God, I miss the kid.

Although I know thats VERY OLD news and all.

I have gotten over the whole me loving him shit.

But now I just miss us being friends.

Just talking to him and shit.

That fucker still has my Mindless Self Indulgence "TIGHT" CD.

and my fucking gameboy that he still hasn't returned to me.

Now him and Amanda Baum might have a thing going on or something.

Which I can see kinda happening.

I have changed alot since that sinday April 9th

that I pushed that man out of my life.

I think thats why I miss the kid.

I know shit would be a hell of a lot more different now.

I'm not as stupid.

I got my shit together

I am pretty damn happy.

Even though shits not perfect. I am pretty fucking happy.

I think thats the way it's supposed to be.

Back then I was in Hell.

Shit was horrible. The 2nd worst it has been.

I held on very tight to the boy.

Hoping that would help me feel better.

No matter how annoyingly clingy I got.

I was expecting him to make me happy

ALL the time.

and when he didn't

shit just got worse

I blamed it all on him

When it was really me.

Now that everything is pretty much going great.

I don't really need anyone to make me happy.

I just want to have fun with good friends.

That's pretty much it.

I have sort of written something to him like this before.

He didn't give a shit about it.

He kinda just got tired of me and moved on.

He didn't change,

He just showed me what a fucking coward he really IS.

so. I left.

Personally

I want to be friends with him again in a way

But

I know thats not going to happen

I just know it's not going to work.

My confession was just about how much I miss him.

thats basically it.

[[[ I have been trying very hard to forget him

destroy the memmories and all ]]]

Come to think of it

I don't want to go back to being friends with him

UNLESS

he wants to be friends again aswell

THEN

I will accept

which is HIGHLY unlikely

If he is still the asshole that I left 4 months ago

[which is probably the case here]

then fuck him

he's not going to change

but if he has changed and wants this too

then

well

that's just great.

but only heaven knows.

and if not

that's just fine too.